Raphaël’s mother Catherine is a photographer and a lovely woman, and about two weeks she encouraged me to begin a photo project here, as a way to focus on something that was both creative and completely unrelated to my illness. So here are a few photos I’ve taken around and about the hospital grounds—-

By declaring that man is responsible and must actualize the potential meaning of his life, I wish to stress that the true meaning of life is to be discovered in the world rather than within man or his own psyche, as though it were a closed system. I have termed this constitutive characteristic “the self-transcendence of human existence.” It denotes the fact that being human always points, and is directed, to something or someone, other than oneself—be it a meaning to fulfill or another human being to encounter. The more one forgets himself—by giving himself to a cause to serve or another person to love—the more human he is and the more he actualizes himself. What is called self-actualization is not an attainable aim at all, for the simple reason that the more one would strive for it, the more he would miss it. In other words, self-actualization is possible only as a side-effect of self-transcendence.

Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning, 1959

A BUMP IN THE ROAD…..

So, the girl is still in France—unfortunately I have won the disease lottery (Guillan-Barré Syndrome…wiki it), and am currently recovering from the resulting nerve damage and paralysis, and learning how to walk again. It’s the last thing that anybody expects to happen, and it is certainly not the way I had planned to finish my study-abroad experience in France. In the last eight weeks have passed some of the most difficult days in my life, but people who love me have been at my sides throughout, and to them I am inexpressibly grateful.

I started this blog as a way to document my adventures abroad, partially as a way to post photos and observations for friends, and partially as a journal, a way for me to have a record of the little things I saw and thought and did as a 20 year old girl/woman living abroad for the first time in her life, a sort of baby book if you will. I have succeeded with more or less moderate success; there are gaps aplenty, and too often I passed up writing for a drink or an early to-bed, but the experiences were rich and many, and the scrapbook is just the bits I remember on a Sunday and the things one finds in one’s pockets.

So when I fell ill, the last thing I wanted to do was to tarnish the sweetness in my memory of these wonderful experiences with something so ugly and difficult. Until recently, I found it mostly unhelpful to write about my illness: it felt like vomiting bile, nauseating and unproductive. I have decided that the object of moving abroad is as much about discovering a new language and culture as it is about discovering yourself— about putting oneself under pressure, into a foreign environment without safety nets, no family, friends, or even language, as an experiment to see how you manage without the cues and background music of the familiar, learning how to use the pressure as motivation. But when this illness hit me, quickly confining me to a chair and then to a bed, I thought, “This is not one of those pressure=motivation things, this is pressure I didn’t ask for.” And boy, you really feel that pressure when you fall and, like the old lady in the joke, you can’t get back up. So now I am confronted with a new and profoundly larger question in my little quest for self-discovery: what do I do when I face a situation in which I am helpless to change anything? 

I am learning every day :-)

I will continue post a few thoughts from my time in the hospital, trying my best to avoid self-indulgent whining, as well as belated photos from my last trip to Paris in March (in which I was treated to a tour of the sights on a motor scooter, a real-life dream come true!) and some photos I have taken since I was hospitalized.

more to come. bisous, elizabeth


“Advertising is a racket, like the movies and the  brokerage business. You cannot be honest without admitting that its  constructive contribution to humanity is exactly minus zero.” 


—-F. Scott Fitzgerald

“Advertising is a racket, like the movies and the brokerage business. You cannot be honest without admitting that its constructive contribution to humanity is exactly minus zero.” 


—-F. Scott Fitzgerald

I have now officially set foot on three continents of seven: Morocco, the furthermost northeastern country of Africa, is an absolutely beautiful place, with people as diverse as the landscape. Morocco seemed like a logical choice because after more than 120 years of French colonial influence, the French language is still very present (and very often more useful than English). The population of Morocco is of mostly Arab and Berber descent, the Berbers being the indigenous people of north Africa; Moroccan Arabic dialect is spoken there, as well as several different Berber dialects. I found that Arabic tended to dominate within the large cities (and urban hubs like Casablanca and Marrakech are well on their way to being full-fledged modern and cosmopolitan cities), while the mountains and rural areas are still very much the stuff of indigenous and often nomadic peoples. 

To travel in an Arabic-speaking country was a radically new and different experience for me. First of all, the very fact that the script is completely different means that one’s chances of understanding basic sign-age have dropped to zero. It is one thing to be in Spain or France: sure, the language is different, but at least you can read the words. Secondly, it is remarkably humbling (yet again) to not understand at all the conversations that are going on around you. Traveling in a country like Morocco, where I don’t understand the customs, the prices, the bus routes etc., I am quite literally at the mercy of my host or my taxi driver or the guy working behind the counter at a restaurant.

Aside from the language differences, Morocco was a crash course in such useful things as haggling, the navigation of ridiculously chaotic traffic, and even a bit of cooking. 1. Haggling—Somebody tells you a price for something, be it food at an open-air market, a room for the night, a taxi ride, or a pair of babouches in a souk, cut the price in thirds and let that be a starting point. And when you get tired of haggling, just walk away… in my experience, once a vendor sees you turn and walk, he calls you right back, “okay, okay, thirty dirhams”. There is a sense of controlled chaos in Morocco as well: there are lane markers painted on the streets, but not once did I see them obeyed, where there should have been two lanes of traffic there were four and a half. And it’s not just cars either. Businessmen on motorcycles, middle-aged Muslim men driving taxis, girls on mopeds with their hijab’s fluttering, a kid with a washing machine balanced on his bicycle, and his little brother holding on behind, old Berbers with their donkeys and carts—if it has wheels it’s in traffic, all noisily passing and merging and crossing traffic to the chagrin and annoyed horn-honking of the others. I swear to you, in Marrakech I saw an old woman in a wheelchair roll out onto Boulevard Mohammed V and merge into traffic. And crossing the street as a pedestrian is part art, part science, and part balls-to-the-wall recklessness. There are no crosswalks. You can stand on that curb for as long as you want, and nobody is going to stop for you, give you a little two-fingered wave and wait patiently as you cross the street. No one. You gotta walk into that traffic, and pray somebody stops for you, and they usually did. (However, this habit of walking into oncoming traffic has been somewhat hazardous since coming back to France…)

more to come

Jumping Back on the Bandwagon

It has been a whirlwind 2 months: I have been to Paris, Madrid and Morocco…. and I have missed delicious amounts of school. There have been a lot of things happening recently, and a lot of things have changed, but I feel like that is a bit what growing up is about, shedding your skin when it has become to small for you, feeling raw and unprotected for awhile, and then slowly acclimating to your new point of view. I am coming to grips with the fact that after the difficulty and awkwardness of trying to learn a new language and make a new home, I really and truly love my life here in France, and that all too soon I will have to leave. I am still wrestling with this, and my friends joking back home that I may never come back are not half wrong; mais on verra.

But again, I have been inexcusably absent from my blog, and I swear it, I am back on the bandwagon with a vengeance. You wait and see.

LOVE,

Elizabeth

Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all. —Harriet Van Horne

(I have been inexcusably absent from my blog since before Christmas. It is my New Year’s Resolution to write something everyday, not necessarily here for the wide world {or at least the tiny world who perhaps read these tidbits occasionally} but something, everyday. This seems a manageable resolution, donc, on y va. Luckily, I have plenty of things to talk about, my trip to Amsterdam, my French Christmas with my roommates family, my trip with my mom to Provence and le Côte d’Azur—-so forgive me as I play catch-up.)

I love to cook. This is maybe something I have always enjoyed, but never had the time or the inspiration to really pursue it. Well, I am bien-inspirée at the moment, and have been cooking pretty regularly for a few weeks. There is something so salty luxurious wonderful about the smell of lardons frying just before you add the onions, shallots and carrots, something invigorating about whisking the mustard and the vinegar, the glee which rises up as the lemon curd begins to thicken; and the satisfaction of sitting down to eat your handiwork and sharing it with friends is a particular kind of joy. I love to be in my kitchen all alone with Ella Fitzgerald and a glass of cold white wine, my frying pans all a-sizzle.

There is something so good and physical about cooking. In french the verb faire, “to do” also means “to make”. After days spent standing in a crowded tram, sitting in a classroom, typing on a keyboard, constantly dealing and coping and responding to the stimuli of the everyday, I get into the kitchen and I get to make something. (I shiver with delight.)

A bit of background—-My mom arrived to visit me the 28th of December, and we embarked on our tour of the south the next day. We rented a tiny european car and drove from Bordeaux for 6 hours through the hills to the little Provençal town of Avignon, (which, if you have forgotten your European history, was home to the Catholic popes for a hundred years during the Great Schism) then continued on to Nice, on the Mediterranean coast—map below. One of the most enjoyable things we did on our trip was take a mother-daughter cooking class, which, as cliché as it sounds, was absolutely lovely. Our instructor took us on a tour of the market in the Old Town of Nice, and gave us some Niçoise history, explained some of the regional fruits, vegetables and herbs and the flavors they lend themselves to. We made saffron mayonnaise by hand with a mortar and pestle, we sautéed onions for a whole hour so that they melted rather than cooked, we had several glasses of wine. It was lovely, and it inspired me to try and move beyond the pasta + jar of tomato sauce = dinner equation.

Not that everything has turned out perfectly. I think that is another reason cooking is such a healthy exercise, because it forces you to take chances and be ready to make mistakes. Example: I cooked a duck breast on Tuesday night. It was a really lovely piece of meat, the fatty back and the deep red of the flesh just begging to be dressed with honey and garlic and balsamic vinegar…… I burned it. I made a classic beginner’s mistake and allowed the butter in the frying pan to burn before I introduced it to the meat, and instead of a sweet golden crust I got a blackened and bitter one. But it’s alright because now I know, and I will try not to make the same mistake twice, and because the friends we had to dinner were sweet and ate every last bit and complimented the sauce and said it was a formidable first attempt.

Maybe French food culture is another reason I enjoy cooking here so much. The French are famous for passing infinite hours à table, and I think they are on to something; there is a sense of communality and ritual in sitting around a table with friends, in sharing food and words, in quite literally breaking bread together as a baguette is passed around the circle.

Anyway, it is becoming increasingly clear to me that who ever said, “you can’t have your cake and eat it too” was not a cook.

Here is an easy recipe for artichoke bruschetta I made a few nights ago when my roommates family came over to our apartment for dinner. The recipe is from memory so the measurements are approximate, but cooking is an approximate business, so don’t worry so much if you decide to try it. Super easy, super delicious.

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Oven-Baked Bruschetta with Artichokes

Ingredients:

1 baguette, white or wheat as you prefer

1 jar marinated artichokes

4 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese

4 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

half a cup of flat-leaf parsley, roughly chopped, plus a tablespoon for garnish

3 tablespoons crumbled goat’s cheese (optional)

salt and pepper

oven pre-heated to 400 degrees

Slice the baguette diagonally about 1/2 inch thick, and brush both sides with olive oil (if, like me, you don’t have a kitchen brush you can use the back of a big spoon). Put the slices on a cookie sheet (cover with foil first for easy cleanup) and into your pre-heated oven for 5 or 6 minutes, and give your slices a flip halfway through.

In the meantime, get out a food processor or a blender. Strain your artichokes (no need to rinse them) or just fork them out of the jar and into the blender, along with the parsley, Parmesan cheese, a dash of salt and a few grinds of black pepper. Start by adding 2 tablespoons of the olive oil, and then pulse the mixture until it becomes a paste (we aren’t going for a soup here, so some chunks are fine). If it isn’t blending well, add a little more olive oil.

Take your toasts out of the oven, and spread about a tablespoon of your artichoke tastiness on each one. If you like goat cheese you can put a few crumbles on top (it’s real yummy). Then pop them back in the oven for 3 minutes or so, enough for the artichoke mixture to warm through and your goat cheese to melt.

Give your toasties a dash more of black pepper, and sprinkle a little parsley on top. Serve warm.

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Tonight is sweet potato and chicken soup, from a new cookbook I just bought. Cross your fingers for me!

JUICY, BABY

Bathtub Reading

Lo. Lee. Ta.  (Vladimir Nabokov)

‘I think it is all a matter of love; the more you love a memory, the stronger and stranger it becomes.” 

OMERTÀ